Author: Kurt Ferguson

I am on a pilgrim's journey.

I have calmed and quieted my soul

Kurt Ferguson8 Comments

I’ve got to admit it. I am struggling. In 7 days of Hiking, I’ve only met my original goal twice and on my longest hike I injured my ankle. The title of today’s post most expresses what I want to do, but as I write this my soul is neither calm nor quiet, though I am trying. I knew this pilgrimage would be difficult. I’ve read that anyone who undertakes this journey would want to call it quits a hundred times. The questions: Am I doing this for pride of myself? Am I selfishly putting an undue burden on Juliette by being away so long? Am I really gaining what I was hoping?- insight to my next career- becoming closer to God-sharing the gospel.—- Can I really take another day of not understanding or being understood less 10 percent of the time?

And yet, when I least expect it, there is a person I touch or who touches me in a way that lifts my spirit. There is the unexpected sight that takes my breath away. There is the way that the rain fell today and seemed as if it would never stop, but when I prayed it stopped and the sun came out. There is the silence in the small chapels where I stop and pray. And of course, I feel the constant presence of God with me at every step. I do feel him; but, the human in me takes me to my physical concerns. So, I am patient. I know there will be many times that the human in me feels this way. I will want to quit. I will become disenchanted with the whole journey….But, then, there are so many reminders that Christians through the centuries have taken this route and have found solace in Christ and his lifting of our troubles by his intimate sacrifice for each and everyone of us.

Some reminders of the purpose of this journey that are found all along the way:

Some photos, more or less in order, of the journey Les Estretes to Espalion (hiking days 4 through 7; Saturday was my day off):

Finally, my ankle is nearly 100%. Thank you all for your support and comments. It fill my heart with joy to know you are sharing this journey.

About 93 miles completed. About 870 left to go.

Memorizing Romans 8: 1 -8.

“O Lord, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother ; my soul is like the weaned child that is with me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time on and forevermore.” Psalm 131: 1-3.

I LIFT UP MY EYES TO THE HILLS

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Well it is the end of day four and I am a little more than a day and a half behind the schedule I planned in the States. The elation of Monday was quickly extinguished on Tuesday. On Tuesday morning, I put on my pack and started off well enough; but at the top of what was supposed to be the first climb of the day I was out of breath and feeling every one the previous days 15 miles. After the extremely steep descent into Monistrol d’Allier at the end of which I could barely keep my balance. I sat down in a grassy area just on the edge of the town, looked at my map and saw a very steep ascent of more than 1200 feet over the next 3 miles and I realized that if I held on to my pride I would be stuck without a place lay my head at the end of the day. So, I said a prayer, set my pride aside and decided that just five miles would have to be good enough.

So after a good night’s sleep, I felt like my first day and walked about 15 miles with the biggest ascent of the journey so far. “From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord who mad heaven and earth.” Psalms 121:2, Had I not listen to my helper, but to myself, I might not now be 50 miles into my journey.

A few photos of the walks so far:

Beginning of second day. Feeling good in the morning sun…..before the ascent.

Top of the hill second day: Rochegude (two photo bombers included).

Day 3: First view down at Monistrol d’Allier

3rd Day: Final view of valley whence I came. Monistrol is not visible in the canyon.

End of Third Day: Communal meal at the Gite.

Third Day: Art work on the trail looking down at town of Saugues.

Fourth Day: Chapelle Saint Roche.

Fourth Day: About two miles from my day’s hike. I saw a horse about 30 yards away. Made the ‘clicking’ sound and horse came straight over and allowed -no begged me to pet him. After scratching head for about 5 minutes, I finally had to leave the lonely boy.

Of the many things that I have found enjoyable during my journey so far art the Gite d’Etape. The French, when they are on the Camino or other hikes that go through the countryside, stay in Gites d’Etape on single beds and bunk beds meeting strangers on the trail. They sleep in the same room and eat in a communal dinning room. The food usually is usually the specialty of the region where the Gite is. Nothing like it in the States. Of course, all the dinners are followed with the cheese plate and then desert.

Rest assured all my soul is well.

Memory verses: Romans 8: 1-5.

HERE I AM LORD SEND ME

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I has been nearly 25 years since I had hiked carrying a back pack (or sac a dos au Francaise). Then, it was a much heavier pack and I was carrying a rifle. It was so much easier when I was told what to do, what to carry, and did not have any idea how far we were going. It is so much more difficult when you are told where to go, but how fast, what to carry, and where to stay are your choice. I this case God has told me start here and go there and I am 50 years old; but, the “how to dos” are left to me. Anyway, I now find myself in Saint Privat D’Allier about 15 miles from Le Puy currently saying Lord why did you send me. My shoulders are sore, my legs unsteady and I must take tender steps when I stand up from sitting because my muscles scream that they do not want to move any more.

So, this morning I had to rush to get to the pilgrim’s mass at 7 am. I woke up with more than enough time, not having the best sleep on a single bed, but not the worst either. I began my morning devotional and the next thing I know, I only have 20 minutes to finish packing, eat, and take the three minute walk to the cathedral. Anyway I am glad that I did not skip breakfast: bread (oh French bread), butter (ohhhhh French butter), jelly, OJ, and a bowl of coffee with milk. Obviously not because of the grandness of the breakfast, but because of the intimacy of the moment of 15 to twenty people most of them strangers to each other in the small common dinning area being led by Georges singing ‘Ultreia’ (look it up if you want to know–in French of course). At first, I was amazed that all these people just knew this song specifically for ‘le chemin’ and I was thinking well it just must be one of those ‘French’ things. Then, I saw someone sing the song, apparently, as they looked at piece of paper and realized. “I have one too!” So, luckily I was able to join in during the last half. The number of pilgrims at mass amazed me, about 200. First there was the regular mass for the city parish and the pilgrims alike. Then, afterward, was the pilgrim blessing by the bishop. Out of about 150 people I was 1 of 3 Americans (the bishop asked & counted), about 8 Canadians, a handful each of Brits and Germans, and the rest were French. Really far more people than I expected.

As I began my walk, I started up with such excitement that had built up over the last months, but particularly the last week. However, the excitement eventually gave way to the reality and my thoughts for the journey became more clear. I remembered a challenge given to us by our Pastor at Carmel Presbyterian, Rich Duncan, had given us about 2 1/2 years ago. I had started but did not finished memorizing the Book of Romans Chapter 8. I have decided to every day memorize the next verse of Romans 8; so, that by the end of this journey it will come out without thought from my mouth. I also lay down this Gauntlet to anyone out there reading.

Finally, walking through the French countryside again has been refreshing. For so may years, I have seen how Americans farm their land in big industrially run farms. Huge fields are farmed at one time. It has its benefits as we are able to feed humans all over this world; but it is not very personal. Here farming is very personable each farmer has a plot or plots of land seal off by rock divisions and their crops are raised without irrigation. It just leads to a feeling that the people of the farming regions of France have a much closer touch to their land.

I ask for your blessings. This journey is a little more daunting today than it was yesterday.

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me. And he said, “Go, and say to this people: “‘Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive. Make the heart of this people dull, and their ears heavy, and blind their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.” – Isaiah 6:8-10.

Planing Realized

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Today was a slow day. I felt that I had seen all the sights of Le Puy yesterday; so, today was spent wandering the weekly Saturday farmer’s market. The market put every other open air market I’ve attended to shame, even though the population of Le Puy it self is about 18,000 with the surround area about 78,000 people (Monterey has about 27,900 with a total of about 101,000 from Marina to Carmel by comparison); yet, two city squares with several streets were packed elbow to elbow with people shopping for fresh vegetables, eggs and meats. Then in another area about three blocks away was a flea market. What impresses me so much is general good feeling of this small town. It just can not be overstated. I then picked up a couple last minute items around town and had my laundry cleaned.

In the evening, I took a walk to the pilgrim’s hostel, up the hill just near the Cathedral. When I entered from the courtyard, I met three men who were sitting quietly in the communal dining room. As I entered, they nearly jumped up to greet me as if they were only waiting for me to arrive. Although each of them eagerly offered their hands, I will never forget George who offered me his left hand, his right was missing, but he greeted me with a bright, open smile and it was as if we were long lost friends. They made sure that my name was hand written into the registry book for tomorrow and I slipped out as new pilgrims arrived for the night. I left the intimacy of the greeting and stepped out into the desolate street as the bells of the cathedral tolled at seven. I was over come again with emotions for the second time on this journey. I had to sit on the steps outside the weather beaten door of an ancient house on a narrow street to briefly sob and dry my tears thinking, ‘what is happening to you Kurt!’ But, my tears were cut short by two well dressed couples, about my age, seemingly husbands and wives, all caught up in their conversation laughing as they walked to dinner. It made me happy and I suddenly missed my wife.

It might seem a little contrived; but, it is important to me. When I enter the court yard of the hostel tomorrow at 3 o’clock pm, then and only then will I consider myself a Pilgrim/Pelegrín/Peregrino!

 

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you. Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one whom trusts in the Lord. Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!” PSALM 32:8-11.

 

Je suis la servante du seigneur!

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Yesterday I arrived in the city of Le Puy-en-Velay where I will begin the walking portion of my pilgrimage. After I settled in at my hotel, I conducted my first foray into the city. City plan in hand, I meandered my way through the medieval city center in a light rain to the the bottom of the steep street that leads to the steep steps of Cathedral Norte Dame du Puy. After conquering the slick cobblestone slope of the street, I triumphantly, and breathlessly, assented the stairs to be greeted by and incredible view of the city that was shrouded in grey. It will not be my only ascent to this august monument, for I make another ascent in the early morning of Monday where I will attend the pilgrim mass at 7 am. After which, I will then descend the steep slope and start the route, at least the start will be down hill.

Today I conducted a walking tour of the the town using a brochure from the city’s information bureau. The following are some of my photos.

STREET LEADING UP TO THE STEPS OF THE CATHEDRAL.

Looking up at bell tower of Cathedral

Looking up at Chapel of Saint Michael.

Looking up to Chapel of Saint Michael

Facade of Chapel de Saint Michael

View of Statue of Norte-Dame de France and Cathedral (just to right) from Chapel Saint Michael

A house

Looking up at Statue of Norte Dame de France

View of Chapel of Saint Saint Michael from Norte Dame de France

View of city from base of Statue of Norte Dame de France

View of Cathedral and City from inside the Statue itself.

Finally, after praying for several minutes in a very small chapel called the ‘Oratoire Saint Gabriel’ at the base of Chapel of Saint Michael, which I almost missed on the side as I came down the sharp steps, I saw on a wall of the chapel the words, “Je suis la servante du seigneur!” Which translates, “I am the servant of the Lord!”

I’ve decided this will be the phrase to which I will march on my walk.

Saint Sulpice

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As I sit in Cafe de la Mairie just across from Paris’ unforgivably forgotten cathedral Saint Sulpice, my heart is lifted up. This morning I was up at 7:30 am. My plan to beat the time change had worked again. However, as I walked the streets this morning, it was an aimless journey without direction or purpose. Gradually a plan to find Saint Sulpice cathedral formed in my head and suddenly I was very determined to find it.

As I entered the cathedral, I was drawn to sit and pray. As I sat, I realized that I needed a blessing before I left Paris. At which point, I saw a lady leave a small glass enclosure and the Preist inside greeted another lady as she entered. I walked over to the sitting area next to the enclosure, sat and prayed while awaiting my turn. While I sat, I was suddenly overcome by the immensity of my up coming walk, but more by the 2 1/2 year personal journey that led me here, and I suddenly burst into a deep sobbing cry as the emotions overwhelmed me. Slowly I gathered up my emotions and stopped crying just before the priest invited me to join him.

As he invited me in, I asked and he stated that he spoke, although somewhat broken, English. He asked me if I was there for confession and as I began to sit, suddenly I again burst into an uncontrollable sobbing. He was patient as I regathered my composure. Once I was able to speak, I told him that I was there for a blessing before my pilgrimage to Santiago. I explained to him my story, that I had just retired after working 21 years in a prison and how I was suicidal two years ago. I told him how God had blessed me with a loving wife who stood by me, how he lifted me out of my depression and he was with me to help me finish my career. I also informed him that I felt God had drawn me to make this journey and that I was leaving Paris tomorrow for Le Puy to begin it. I told him I was there seeking a blessing before I began. Before he gave me the blessing, the priest, who later stated his name was Francois, explained that he had just returned from a visit to the U.S. where he had visited an old friend of his that he had not seen since 1964 with whom he had gone to seminary in his native Vietnam. Father Francois explained that he had left Vietnam after he was ordained for France in ’64 and his friend had gone to the U.S. After sometime in the U.S., his friend had gone back to Vietnam and was later imprisoned by the communists for 14 years due to his activities as a priest. Father Francois stated that his friend did not regret his imprisonment at all, but found so many people to serve which included many fallen communist party officials. In fact, the officials had to move his friend 14 different times in order tame his influence with the other prisoners. Father Francois said it just goes to show Saint Paul was right in the Letter to the Romans that God causes all things to work together for his good. Finally, before he blessed me Father Francois told me the story of a Polish nun who had had a vision of Christ Jesus and how Jesus had stated to her to remember just one phrase, ‘I am confident in Jesus.’ Just before I left Father Francois blessed me in French and I thanked him.

God truly works in marvelous and miraculous ways!

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.

Gettin’ Ready

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It’s 5:45 am and my flight to Paris is less than 12 hours away. This is starting to get real. I think I’ve got all the items that I will take with me. I packed up my backpack last night and checked the weight: twenty-five pounds. I’m glad, my goal was thirty pounds, but now as I consider 963 miles of walking, I’m thinking twenty might be too heavy. Oh well, I might be discarding some things along “the way”.

The last couple of weeks people have been asking me, “Are you ready?” And I’m never quite certain how to answer the question because I’m not quite sure what question they are asking. Am I ready for the flight: well I have my ticket, but it seems as I get older spending many hours on an airplane is harder and harder. This one – just out of shear bad luck – is 18 hours long. So, my complete answer to this form of the question is an emphatic- NO. I am not ready. Do I have all the stuff I am taking with me ready: I have my boots (broken in), my cloths (trousers, shorts, long/short sleeve shirts, underwear, socks), rain resistant jacket, toiletries, iPad, sleeping bag and yes PASSPORT (third time renewed). BUT can I really know what I am going to need for every contingency on the trail—Survey says– NO. Am I physically ready for the hike: How can you be ready for a 963 (by the book) mile journey that will take about 65 days to complete–So short answer: NO. Am I ready emotionally for the journey: I will miss Juliette everyday and I don’t know if I have prepared her enough for me being gone so long. So, NO. Am I spiritually ready for the pilgrimage: If I was, Why would I need to take one?

Which leads me to the 1st question of this journey  which I borrow from John Bierley’s book A Pilgrim’s Guide to the Camino de Santiago (pg. 38):

How do you differentiate pilgrimage from a long walk?

My answer: A long walk is a physical journey from which you expect improved fitness and perhaps an emotional lift. A pilgrimage is a long walk through which you endure physical, emotional, and spiritual hardships for the specific purpose of attaining a better understanding of God and an understanding of the purpose he has for you in this life.

“Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; hold not your peace at my tears! For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers. Look away from me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more!”  Psalms 39: 12-13.

The Begining

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

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18.August.2017

Well, thanks to my beautiful and talented wife, Juliette, my blog is finally set up and this is my first post. The pride in me would like to say that I will be able to say deep and profound things, but to be honest with myself and my readers, the vast majority of my thoughts are neither deep nor profound. So, I am just going to write in a familiar voice similar to the voice I would to my friends and family. Hopefully, something great and profound will just miraculously appear on screen. If it does, it will be entirely the act of the Holy Spirit who dwells within the hearts all who accept Christ into their hearts as their Savior. It is my goal to be more honest than I would be in a regular social setting. If you are not a believer, I hope you will not be put off by by the beliefs you find here and hope you will find something worthwhile and will continue to follow my blog. If not, I hope the blessings of our creator will be with you.

Finally, I dedicate this blog to the triune God : Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It is my sincere desire to be guided by the Holy Spirit in my words in each of my posts. I end this post by quoting the

Nicene Creed

We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father; through him all things were made.

For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven, was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary and became truly human. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered death and was buried. On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son is worshiped and glorified, who has spoken through the prophets. We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.